My Pearl Of Great Price
I would like to share with you a career milestone and testament of "Christ in you the hope of glory" (Col. 1:27). I graduated in May 2013 with my Bachelor of Science in nursing degree. I have always struggled academically and do not remember ever receiving an A for a grade. I graduated with Summa Cum Laude honors. What made the difference? Read on to find out.
I have learned to believe against and replace my familiar feelings of inadequacy and thoughts that I cant do something when it feels hard. In the past I would have believed what I felt was me, and thus my actions followed what I believed. I did not replace my feelings with any Christ truth. At the time I thought I was my thoughts and feelings. I have learned these were lies about myself.
Read on if you want to find out about this Truth. It has changed my life and I consider it a pearl of great price. I have learned I can feel these feelings but these are a lie and not who I am. I am a container or vessel and if I am born again my container is filled with Jesus Christ. Galatians 2:20 says, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
You see, I am Christ/Shay and He is the one doing the work regardless of how I may feel. Here are some examples of what I felt and thought–"What were you thinking going to college at 46 years old? You are no better than you were in nursing school; you are still stupid and cant measure up to your classmates. This is too hard youre not going to get it." I also never felt like my responses to assignments were acceptable. I felt like giving up when tasks were challenging, and I felt inadequate compared to my classmates.
I acknowledged these feelings as just thoughts and feelings (neutral) then replaced them with truth (reality). I would say "There is another here who can do this assignment differently," or I can feel like giving up but Christ is not a quitter. Who cares how you feel? You are not your feelings. Do the next right thing." I also would quote 1 Thessalonians 5:18, "In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." I thanked God for this opportunity to know I am not my feelings. I would pass in my assignments knowing that each one was finished and whatever grade I was to receive would be perfect. My focus was on believing who I am through Christ, not on receiving an A.
Page Prewitt explains how this process works in her booklet "Life: The What, The Who, The Why," (please read her booklet for the full explanation). On p. 22 under the heading: What To Do About the Turmoil of Feelings–She says "I am feeling shy, or afraid, lonely, or superior, or smarter, but these are all feelings and they are not who and what Jesus Christ, who is my operator, is We simply focus on who we are and pay as little attention to our feelings as possible."
I believe I experienced a spiritual victory in my academic studies and I am overwhelmed by the result. These thoughts and feelings of inadequacy and failure were engrained in me since I can remember. All my life I remember believing this to be me. Knowing I am not my feelings and replacing them with what Christ says, "Christ in you the hope of glory" (Col. 1:27) is my pearl of great price.