Christ on Campus My First Year at College
by Crystal Hoffman

The first year of college can be tough—it certainly was for me. Not only do I have a hard time with academics, but also I was experiencing for the first time living away from home and having to get along with a roommate. On top of it all, I experienced doubt in God. But looking back, I definitely grew by facing these challenges.

Academics have never come easy for me. I have always had trouble with reading and writing. At college I could no longer have my parents proofread my papers. I had to get help from other people, which I did.

Now, academics were more important than ever because I knew I needed to find a major that would determine my future career. Since the beginning of high school, I thought maybe God wanted me to be a teacher. In high school I even took a class called “Working with Children” and received a certificate to be an assistant daycare director. My parents and other people told me that I would make a good teacher. Most importantly I believed God put his desire on my heart to be a teacher. By the time I got to college however, I no longer wanted to be a teacher. Even though I thought teaching was “cool,” I thought being a doctor or a medical person would make me more important. So, I chose Biology as my major.

I ended up having an awful semester, and I almost failed my biology class. I remember studying for 11 hours for one test. In fact, no matter how little or how hard I studied, my test scores did not get any better. As a result, I was a complete mess. Twice, I called home and cried. All I remember hearing from my parents was “God obviously has a different plan for you other than being a Biology major.” When they said that, I knew clearly what God wanted me to do. Therefore, by the end of first semester, I changed my major to education.

In addition to trouble in the classroom, I was having serious trouble with my roommate. I now know that my roommate is one of the best people God has ever put in my life. First semester, however, we did not get along at all, so I tried to stay away from my room as much as possible. I did not want to deal with having to say anything to her. To me, my roommate was bigger and stronger than I was. Needless to say, I was not believing right—I believed that I was not important and that what I had to say was not significant. As a result, many people pushed me around, especially my roommate. I was so upset by the end of first semester I wanted to have a different roommate. Through many of our arguments I did not say what I was thinking, and I hated the outcome. Finally, I decided to believe that Christ through me, Crystal, could be bold and say what was on her mind. Suddenly my roommate and I started realizing we could compromise if we both said what we were thinking. As a result, I became grateful for my roommate; in fact I found that I needed her. So, even though we did not get along first semester, we decided to room together our sophomore year.

Doubting God, now that is a scary thing. You have no clue whom to turn to when you have serious questions. My assistant residence director, a good friend of mine, took a theology class that caused her to question the existence of God. This class caused many people to question God. One day during our weekly Bible study, she brought her doubts to our attention. I asked her how could there be no God. All she could say was she did not know. After that, I started to wonder myself. I remember asking myself questions like “Is God a crutch for me?” “Is having Christ in me a made up story?” But I also thought, “How can so many people be changed by accepting Christ if He is not real?” There were times I would go for a walk at night and ask myself, “How could nature and all it’s beauty be made from some big bang and not be created by God?” When I talked to other people about my doubts, they would tell me that it was sin to doubt God. After hearing that, I was so scared that I did not even talk to my parents about my doubts. The deeper I got into doubting the more I felt like I had a heavy rain cloud hovering over my head. I was so upset and scared, that for many days right after class I would lock myself in my room. I was in no shape to see other people.

For comfort, I turned to Hebrews 11, the faith chapter, and found answers. Hebrews 11 showed that even against any physical impossibility, God made and still makes things possible. It was so inspiring to me that I shared it with my residence director. Although it did not seem to help her, you never know how God uses that sort of thing.

I also turned to Yes I Am by Norman Grubb. Through reading it and the Bible, I slowly realized and decided to believe that I was a vessel and a container of Christ. The most fitting passage I read from Norman’s Yes I Am states: “Now if we were in the old two-nature conflict, we should be swinging between faith and doubt, but we, knowing we are He in us, dissolve the temptation by saying, ‘I’m not taking that temptation to doubt. That is an external assault on me. I’m not double—I’m single. And Christ is my wisdom.’ The stand of faith dissolves the doubt” (pg 159).

We believers have Christ living through us even when we are doubting. Doubt is just a temptation. In fact, it is an external conflict, not Satan’s spirit of doubt in us. The greats in Hebrews 11 had faith against any physical impossibility— against any temptation to doubt. Like Norman said, “Faith will overcome doubt.” When I have doubts, I know it is only a temptation. I put my faith in Christ, and He overcomes the doubt. He overcomes the doubt, not me.

Crystal is a sophomore at Olivet Nazarene University in Illinois. She is a member of the cross country team and is majoring in Elementary Education.