Moments with Meryl
by Meryl Langley

Being convinced that God wanted me to stay put in the Nutrition and Dietetic Department, I returned from my one-day Personal Assistant course with renewed enthusiasm and new ideas to benefit our whole department, not least, a recommendation which, if my boss acted upon, might successfully address a longstanding problem: short staffing.

My boss asked me to give a brief presentation of the course content at a staff meeting, and then we discussed long-term plans. Small changes were implemented gradually over the following four weeks, which improved morale considerably. Then the time came to submit a document (prepared by us all) to our manager’s boss (Mr. X). It was well received and a meeting between our boss and her manager was arranged. The day before the meeting, the said Mr. X was made redundant (job eliminated) with immediate effect, leaving us all "high and dry." I believed this to be God’s plan and confidently announced this to two or three colleagues.

Over the last two weeks, we have been plagued by uncertainty, rumours, absences, staff sickness, equipment failing when deadlines needed to be met, etc…etc…etc. Morale is again very low.

Because of the administration demands necessary for the day-to-day running of our service, my "new" P. A. role is in name only–no new challenging responsibilities and certainly no sign of any salary increase (which was promised). I have.had the noimal soul, negative reactions to all these externals, but of late I have felt really mad at God. "You keep me in this place for a purpose (to be Christ), bring about change and raise hopes–only to dash them in a second. This has been going on and on and on for so long and I really believed: 1) You determined (not permitted) it; 2) You meant it all for my highest and best and for the good of everyone in the department; 3) I’ve seen every "obstacle" as an opportunity (God coming to me in disguise) and moved to spirit truth, daily (some-times hourly) arming Jesus Christ is living as me–now it’s back to square one. There you are, and I am so tired and weary of it all; I’ve had enough!"

OK, so now what? I thought of Job, Joseph in prison, Hudson Taylor, C. T. Studd, Norman Grubb and, of course, Jesus Christ (since when did I ever sweat drops of blood?). I’ve never had it as hard as them. "Meryl, you don’t know how easy you have it. Do you still believe God determines, not permits, that God means these circumstances for good and it is still God coming to you in disguise? What if it NEVER changes? Are you still pre-pared to believe Jesus Christ is living His life in you, as you?" I imagined standing before God if I said "No" I considered the alternatives which somehow held no appeal to me; I thought of others who would be affected by my choice and then I said "Yes Sir, I (Christ/I) still believe all those things."

I have no earth-shattering news to report, no "results" to amaze you with. Everything remains unchanged (on the appearance level) but I KNOW in the eternal realm, God is working. My feelings concerning work are still negative, but my focus is on spirit reality and I am living one day at a time with a good attitude.