As you know, I couldn’t make the Blowing Rock Conference this year because of the length of our English school year which clashed with it, but I was able to join you after-wards at your Total Living Center alias Alpen Acres Motel.
There I was struck by the total cohesion of your group and their profound fellowship. When I arrived, it was great to meet my family Jill, Kim and Faye and to see the obvious benefits they had derived from their time with all of you: they had dearly enjoyed the experience but also made progress on a spiritual level.
I was "hanging out" with the guys at the condominium up on Chase Hill learning from their experiences in long conversations whenever the opportunity arose.
In my conversations with you and Fowler some painful issues were finally laid to rest, leading to my doing a lot of thinking about the message and the things I had read and that had been said to me. As a result, I made the decision to believe that Christ is truly living out His life as me.
As I told you I have been telling the pupils at my school about you all and I will continue this in the coming year using the various testimonies you made available for me and the tape you recorded.
Thanks for everything you and the Zerubbabel gang have done for my family and for me.
Thank you for sharing some of the things you have seen about your marriage. It has been enlightening to realize how I have viewed myself as not deserving right treatment in my marriage. Actually, the belief that I’m not worthy to be treated like a person has permeated all areas of my life. I’ve let people walk all over me: I thought they’d like me if I did that and I thought I was better than them for doing it. I’ve had very few friends, as people didn’t respect me. I’ve stuffed the pain of this, as well as anger about it, through over-eating and hiding behind sick relationships.
I’ve walked out of the food addiction, by believing I was Christ in my form and saying to myself I don’t need to compulsively over-eat. I made continuous choices, believing Christ does not need to go beyond the food boundaries I have set.
Now I’m seeing that the same walking out is necessary in my marriage and other relationships. I’m seeing that it’s true that by myself I am not worthy of anything (good) God has given me, but I am not an alone person. I am a vessel and Christ is my operator. I’m worthy, because Christ is worthy. I don’t need to have a relationship at any cost (the cost of stuffing the truth , who I am, stuffing what I’m feeling). I’m whole, complete and lacking nothing.
In light of this, I’ve decided to set some boundaries in my marriage relationship. I’m wanting to set a new tone, of me acting and being a person, not a doormat in my marriage. I’m sure it will feel real strange doing it, but I know that I will need to make choices daily, knowing that Christ as me doesn’t need to go past the boundaries I have set.
I’m real grateful for you and for everybody’s input and help. I’ll keep in touch with you all.
Love and thanks again!!
TO A SON
I am writing this to let you know that I have found God’s Truth for my life, which is "Christ in me" living and doing everything as me and to say my burning desire is for you and your sisters to also know and live the same Truth.
Last September, I made a "choice" and asked God to show me His will for me and how to live a Christian life-no matter what the cost or what it took. As you know, it took a full year of your mother and I living apart. It was a year of unbelievable loneliness, pain, doubts, fears, etc. At times I cried out loud to God asking Him "are you real and why are you doing this to me?" Many times I wanted to give up, but God was faithful and each time provided exactly what I needed for the moment and for my overall recovery, to include the pain, self doubt and the rejection.
Coming to North Carolina was the final step in God’s plan for me. I came here knowing that this was my "decision point." Either God was real or He did not exist. When I first got here I wanted to run away and almost left the second day. (I even called the limo and bus service to find out about transportation to the airport.) I now know that the pressure I felt to leave was Satan’s last ditch attempt to keep me from knowing God’s Truth for my life. I did choose to stay and what I saw and experienced at the Bible camp left no doubts in my mind that God was real and does live His life out through those who truly believe and accept Him as Lord and Savior.
I now know that turning your life over to God means giving up yourself and living totally for others, as Christ gave up everything for us on the cross. When we live for others, then and only then, can we experience the joy and fulfillment of life and its true purpose.
Your mother and I are now joined in one Spirit: i.e., the same person, Jesus Christ, lives in us both as us. The love I now have for you, your mother and sisters and every-one is almost overwhelming, because it is Christ’s love coming through me. I am also now able to see and feel the hurt, pain and loneliness in others. Not only can I now see and feel it, I am compelled to allow Christ through me to act in whatever capacity He chooses to deal with them.
I want you to know that there is hope and you can overcome your loneliness, fears and pain as your mother and I have done. Just lay them all at the cross. Christ took all our sins, pain, suffering, etc., on Himself for us 2,000 years ago. All we have to do is choose to believe in Him and He will do the rest.
I love you,
Heyl What are you up tot I’m sitting here rethinking camp and the few weeks after and all that we learned about feelings and emotions.
It really is great to know that we are not our feelings and they don’t control us. We also know that we cannot control our feelings and thoughts and that we don’t have to take condemnation over them.
It’s also wonderful to know that we don’t have to stay in our feelings. We can choose to do the right things in spite of how we are feeling. We can choose to get out of bed in the mornings even though we may feel tired.
You know the wonderful thing about this is we can do it because it is Christ doing it through us as us. Because of that Christ as us can always do the right thing no matter how awful it may feel at the
Looking forward to seeing
you in June.
More Articles from The Intercessor, Vol 10 No 5
- God’s Tight Corners
- Postscript to Yes I Am
- Editor’s Note
- Off With The Grave Clothes
- A New Creation
- Excerpt from The Intercession of Rees Howells
- Moments with Meryl
- To Think About
- The Letter to the Romans
- Questions & Answers
- Life Out of Death
- The Mailbox
- New Light on the Twelve Steps
- A Look at A Book
- Words to Live By