A Miracle of Small Stones
by Zerubbabel Press

As I sit down to write my testimony, I try to think, "What is it that I have to tell anyone?" Well, the simple fact is that I know the message of Jesus Christ living in me as me to be true. It is the answer for who we are and why things happen to us. It is the answer that the world is searching for. I know this because my life has been significantly changed by learning this truth.

I graduated from Ole Miss in 1983. I had enjoyed college reasonably well, but was ready to jump head first into a medical career. Most of my senior year had been spent dating a beautiful girl with whom I was madly in love and toward whom I had very serious intentions.

As I began medical school in the fall of 1983, my life certainly looked to be heading right along as well as I could ever have hoped. l was in the top third of my class, had my own little house, a new car, and a girlfriend who loved me more than life itself.

Well, of course, as we all can guess, everything soon began to crumble down around my head and shoulders. My girlfriend (who was still just a college sophomore) stopped feeling quite as devoted as I thought she was supposed to be. She started wanting to go out with other boys and started running with a "bad crowd." This drove me crazy. I was absolutely heartbroken over what she had gotten into and devastated over what I had lost.

Needless to say, the repercussions were evidenced throughout the rest of my life’s activities. My good grades immediately dropped to just barely passing. I lost approximately twenty-five pounds and had no interest or energy to do anything more than driving around drinking beer and shooting pool. I barely participated in med school.

We had a note-taking service that would transcribe our lectures, so all I had to do was get all the notes together the night before the test and learn just enough to make a passing (70) grade. And this was essentially all I did. My plans when I began medical school were to become a surgeon. General surgery residency positions are quite difficult to get; you must be very competitive academically to be chosen for a spot. So not only was my life in shambles, but my career was dissolving right in front of me.

I was miserable and heartbroken over my circumstances. I didn’t much care in the slightest whether I lived or died and would have much preferred the latter. Nevertheless, I decided that all I had to do was just survive this last year, make just good enough grades to pass, and at least I could go on to become a doctor— maybe not the kind of doctor I wanted to be, but at least a doctor.

Well, that one weak ray of hope was dashed when the assistant dean at the medical school informed me that although I had not failed any classes, my overall average of 74.9 was below the 75.0 required for promotion to the M-2 year. I would have to repeat my first year.

With that I said, "Forget it." I thought I might take a couple of years off and work construction and wait tables. To my mind, I had been wounded, and I knew that wounds needed time to heal. This caused my parents grave concern since they knew that l would more than likely never go back. Regardless of what they said, I never really paid much attention because I thought "they have no idea how bad everything has been and what I’ve been through."

But just before school was to begin, late in the summer of 1984, something clicked in me when my mother said, “…but if Jesus Christ lives in you, there’s no you to be wounded." I didn’t know what that really meant, but for some reason my mind set cleared just enough to go back to medical school.

It was during that second go-round with my M-1 year that I really started to see what was involved with believing that Christ lived my life. I probably would have agreed with the basic premise "Christ in me." It wasn’t until the 1984-85 academic year, though, that I really had any idea what a miracle this truth of Christ living my life is.

I was so bored and depressed that I couldn’t even get out of bed in the morning to go to class. I spent countless hours on the phone and at the kitchen table with my priceless, patient mother as she prodded and goaded me with the truth. She would tell me, "You don’t have to get out of bed and go to class; Christ in you can at least do that." So I started with that tiny faith step.

I could get to class, but I couldn’t study. My mother would say, "Christ in you can read at least one page." I progressed little by little, step by step in that fashion for over two years. I had become a much more functional person by the end of the M-2 year, but not so much a better student. I was just sick that my grades were so bad, making my chance of getting a surgery residency even slimmer.

My mother kept saying, "My word of faith is that you will have a position in a quality surgery residency, regardless of how bad your grades look. "I couldn’t bring myself to say that, but I did click in somehow and began to believe that God really was in charge of this situation.

The real breakthrough came during the summer of 1985-86. A job with a prominent cardiovascular surgery clinic was tossed down from heaven and landed in my lap. This was especially timely because in the upcoming fall, my clinical rotations would start. I knew this to be a gift from God and made sure that I used it to full advantage.

I worked hard and learned everything I could. The surgeons in the clinic were very complimentary and encouraging, and I started my M-3 year with more positive energy than I had mustered up through my entire first three years. The difference was knowing that it wasn’t just me going to school anymore, but Christ in me. As I lived from that, big obstacles became huge advantages and major setbacks became great advances.

There are many anecdotes over that time that describe this miracle that became my career. For example, during my summer job, one of the surgeons for whom I felt great respect and affection "dismissed" me in the middle of an operation, saying among other things, that I was "a buffoon who was totally unprepared for this case." Well, in my earlier time, this would have been totally devastating to me. But I knew enough then to say, “I’m not a buffoon, I’m Jesus Christ in my form. I know what I am supposed to know."

I was able to return in a short time and demonstrate adequate knowledge on the particular medical condition we were discussing. The true miracle, though, came about two months later when the exact same subject was the topic of our first cardiology lecture during clinical medicine. Needless to say, I was an expert. The lecturer and I proceeded to discuss the subject at length for the remainder of the class period, much to the awe of the rest of my classmates. I was known from then on as the "class heart specialist."

There are many other stories that are just as amazing, but suffice it now to say that my career blossomed. I was an excellent student during the clinical years. I made the highest test scores in general surgery, missing only three questions over 1500 pages of material, all the while working on the two busiest services in the hospital, Surgery A and Trauma. I scored over the 99th percentile on the surgery boards and was in the top three overall in surgery. My performance as a 4th year student was also outstanding. I spent two months at other institutions, both very prominent, that I thought would be my top two choices. I was actually asked to do a residency at my top choice by the doctor I was studying under, a man known as one of the top heart surgeons in the world.

It is important to note that although I began to experience tangible results from my faith statements, I was never without temptations and "road-blocks." Every time something "positive" would happen, something "negative" would come up, tempting me towards unbelief in who I am. Even at the end of my M-3 year after performing so well, the Chairman of Surgery at my school told me that it was almost impossible for someone who had repeated a year to get a surgery residency, and he would never accept such a candidate into his program. Just another little place along the way where God said, "How far will you go to believe the truth?"

My whole life had changed. But see, I had finally learned what it really meant for Christ to live out my life. He worked through me on those hospital wards, answered those questions, and treated those patients. It wasn’t just me, but Christ in me.

But the most important thing I learned from this was that the true foundation for really understanding and living this message is that it starts with the first tiny, minute step of faith—“I can get out of bed because Christ in me can do it. Christ in me can read one page tonight." My life didn’t just change overnight in some corny, superficial way. It was the day-in, day-out forever pushing forward with ever growing steps of faith.

I believe that this is the principle missed by those who are constantly going from "gung-ho Christ in you as you" to saying "the message doesn’t work." Those people never build the great faith foundation with little stones of faith. Today I am graduated from medical school and will begin a residency in general surgery at University Medical Center in Jackson, Mississippi—the very institute where I was once told I would never get a job. (I didn’t know how good the place was until I checked out everywhere else.) I am thrilled to be here. I know that the next six or seven years are going to be very difficult, with many “set backs" and temptations. But now I know that Jesus Christ is truly operating through me, as me. This will be an exciting time.

As I sit down to write my testimony, I try to think, "What is it that I have to tell anyone?" Well, the simple fact is that I know the message of Jesus Christ living in me as me to be true. It is the answer for who we are and why things happen to us. It is the answer that the world is searching for. I know this because my life has been significantly changed by learning this truth.

I graduated from Ole Miss in 1983. I had enjoyed college reasonably well, but was ready to jump head first into a medical career. Most of my senior year had been spent dating a beautiful girl with whom I was madly in love and toward whom I had very serious intentions.

As I began medical school in the fall of 1983, my life certainly looked to be heading right along as well as I could ever have hoped. l was in the top third of my class, had my own little house, a new car, and a girlfriend who loved me more than life itself.

Well, of course, as we all can guess, everything soon began to crumble down around my head and shoulders. My girlfriend (who was still just a college sophomore) stopped feeling quite as devoted as I thought she was supposed to be. She started wanting to go out with other boys and started running with a "bad crowd." This drove me crazy. I was absolutely heartbroken over what she had gotten into and devastated over what I had lost.

Needless to say, the repercussions were evidenced throughout the rest of my life’s activities. My good grades immediately dropped to just barely passing. I lost approximately twenty-five pounds and had no interest or energy to do anything more than driving around drinking beer and shooting pool. I barely participated in med school.

We had a note-taking service that would transcribe our lectures, so all I had to do was get all the notes together the night before the test and learn just enough to make a passing (70) grade. And this was essentially all I did. My plans when I began medical school were to become a surgeon. General surgery residency positions are quite difficult to get; you must be very competitive academically to be chosen for a spot. So not only was my life in shambles, but my career was dissolving right in front of me.

I was miserable and heartbroken over my circumstances. I didn’t much care in the slightest whether I lived or died and would have much preferred the latter. Nevertheless, I decided that all I had to do was just survive this last year, make just good enough grades to pass, and at least I could go on to become a doctor— maybe not the kind of doctor I wanted to be, but at least a doctor.

Well, that one weak ray of hope was dashed when the assistant dean at the medical school informed me that although I had not failed any classes, my overall average of 74.9 was below the 75.0 required for promotion to the M-2 year. I would have to repeat my first year.

With that I said, "Forget it." I thought I might take a couple of years off and work construction and wait tables. To my mind, I had been wounded, and I knew that wounds needed time to heal. This caused my parents grave concern since they knew that l would more than likely never go back. Regardless of what they said, I never really paid much attention because I thought "they have no idea how bad everything has been and what I’ve been through."

But just before school was to begin, late in the summer of 1984, something clicked in me when my mother said, “…but if Jesus Christ lives in you, there’s no you to be wounded." I didn’t know what that really meant, but for some reason my mind set cleared just enough to go back to medical school.

It was during that second go-round with my M-1 year that I really started to see what was involved with believing that Christ lived my life. I probably would have agreed with the basic premise "Christ in me." It wasn’t until the 1984-85 academic year, though, that I really had any idea what a miracle this truth of Christ living my life is.

I was so bored and depressed that I couldn’t even get out of bed in the morning to go to class. I spent countless hours on the phone and at the kitchen table with my priceless, patient mother as she prodded and goaded me with the truth. She would tell me, "You don’t have to get out of bed and go to class; Christ in you can at least do that." So I started with that tiny faith step.

I could get to class, but I couldn’t study. My mother would say, "Christ in you can read at least one page." I progressed little by little, step by step in that fashion for over two years. I had become a much more functional person by the end of the M-2 year, but not so much a better student. I was just sick that my grades were so bad, making my chance of getting a surgery residency even slimmer.

My mother kept saying, "My word of faith is that you will have a position in a quality surgery residency, regardless of how bad your grades look. "I couldn’t bring myself to say that, but I did click in somehow and began to believe that God really was in charge of this situation.

The real breakthrough came during the summer of 1985-86. A job with a prominent cardiovascular surgery clinic was tossed down from heaven and landed in my lap. This was especially timely because in the upcoming fall, my clinical rotations would start. I knew this to be a gift from God and made sure that I used it to full advantage.

I worked hard and learned everything I could. The surgeons in the clinic were very complimentary and encouraging, and I started my M-3 year with more positive energy than I had mustered up through my entire first three years. The difference was knowing that it wasn’t just me going to school anymore, but Christ in me. As I lived from that, big obstacles became huge advantages and major setbacks became great advances.

There are many anecdotes over that time that describe this miracle that became my career. For example, during my summer job, one of the surgeons for whom I felt great respect and affection "dismissed" me in the middle of an operation, saying among other things, that I was "a buffoon who was totally unprepared for this case." Well, in my earlier time, this would have been totally devastating to me. But I knew enough then to say, “I’m not a buffoon, I’m Jesus Christ in my form. I know what I am supposed to know."

I was able to return in a short time and demonstrate adequate knowledge on the particular medical condition we were discussing. The true miracle, though, came about two months later when the exact same subject was the topic of our first cardiology lecture during clinical medicine. Needless to say, I was an expert. The lecturer and I proceeded to discuss the subject at length for the remainder of the class period, much to the awe of the rest of my classmates. I was known from then on as the "class heart specialist."

There are many other stories that are just as amazing, but suffice it now to say that my career blossomed. I was an excellent student during the clinical years. I made the highest test scores in general surgery, missing only three questions over 1500 pages of material, all the while working on the two busiest services in the hospital, Surgery A and Trauma. I scored over the 99th percentile on the surgery boards and was in the top three overall in surgery. My performance as a 4th year student was also outstanding. I spent two months at other institutions, both very prominent, that I thought would be my top two choices. I was actually asked to do a residency at my top choice by the doctor I was studying under, a man known as one of the top heart surgeons in the world.

It is important to note that although I began to experience tangible results from my faith statements, I was never without temptations and "road-blocks." Every time something "positive" would happen, something "negative" would come up, tempting me towards unbelief in who I am. Even at the end of my M-3 year after performing so well, the Chairman of Surgery at my school told me that it was almost impossible for someone who had repeated a year to get a surgery residency, and he would never accept such a candidate into his program. Just another little place along the way where God said, "How far will you go to believe the truth?"

My whole life had changed. But see, I had finally learned what it really meant for Christ to live out my life. He worked through me on those hospital wards, answered those questions, and treated those patients. It wasn’t just me, but Christ in me.

But the most important thing I learned from this was that the true foundation for really understanding and living this message is that it starts with the first tiny, minute step of faith—“I can get out of bed because Christ in me can do it. Christ in me can read one page tonight." My life didn’t just change overnight in some corny, superficial way. It was the day-in, day-out forever pushing forward with ever growing steps of faith.

I believe that this is the principle missed by those who are constantly going from "gung-ho Christ in you as you" to saying "the message doesn’t work." Those people never build the great faith foundation with little stones of faith. Today I am graduated from medical school and will begin a residency in general surgery at University Medical Center in Jackson, Mississippi—the very institute where I was once told I would never get a job. (I didn’t know how good the place was until I checked out everywhere else.) I am thrilled to be here. I know that the next six or seven years are going to be very difficult, with many “set backs" and temptations. But now I know that Jesus Christ is truly operating through me, as me. This will be an exciting time.