Joanna’s Return, Area Fellowship News
by Meryl Langley

Readers of recent editions of The Intercessor may be aware of some of the story that unfolds in these pages. It is the miracle of the restoration of Joanna, a precious sister in Christ, who just a year ago turned her back on God, her family and fellowship. Intertwined in God’s perfect plan is the work He accomplished in the lives of her family and close friends. So crucially important is the intercessory stand taken by Meryl, Jo’s mother, that we begin our narrative there.

"Your children will come back to you from the distant land of the enemy."
-Jer. 31:16

I shall never forget Monday 29 June 1998. I arrived home from work to find a note from Joanna, our daughter, addressed to ‘everyone,’ telling us that she had not been doing well lately  and had left home! I never felt so shocked in my life as I did in that moment. What was it all about? Why hadn’t Jo said anything? One thing I did know, though, was that I was a wreck spiritually and could not even muster up any faith for myself, let alone Jo. Only two days previously, our local fellowship, including Jo, had been to London to see a West End Show. On the very day she left home, she had called into my office at the College to tell me she had passed her first year exams on her degree course at the same College. I’d gone home at lunchtime, and we’d eaten together, too. She must have known all along what she was planning!

I rang and told people in England, Ireland, Scotland and the States. Kim and Faye Rogers came over that evening and went with Jon (Jo’s brother) to try and find her (we guessed where she might have gone). They saw her and tried to reason with her. She was having none of it This was a major wake up call for me. I know this was a consequence of my being totally focused on myself and not being a real mother to Jo. I had not disciplined, or set boundaries for her, and the life I role modelled was one of drudgery, certainly not the abundant life Christ gives. Now my daughter had turned her back on God. I knew the sin path she had chosen involved smoking, drinking, night clubbing and getting into wrong relationships. I don’t really know how I got through the next two weeks before going to Summer Camp at Boone.

Throughout the first few days at Camp, it became crystal clear that I was dead in my trespasses and sins. I had never really accepted that I, the great Meryl Langley, was a sinner. To me, salvation was a passport to heaven, and I would not face the fact that I had sinned. Through the love and patience of the fellowship towards me, I became convinced that I was, indeed, a wretch who needed saving.

On Tuesday 21 July, I audibly prayed the sinner’s prayer. I felt very humiliated and humbled, but such was my desperation to be right with God, I asked Jesus Christ to cleanse me, on confession of my sins, and to come into my heart and life, not only as Saviour, but also as Lord. As the fellowship began singing "Amazing Grace" I sobbed right from the centre of my being. Page came over and hugged me and I begged for her forgiveness for my sin towards her. There was hardly a dry eye in the room.

However, only four days later, I was back in my self-righteousness and judge-mentalism. I was immobilised, stony and silent At this point, God, through my husband Jim, so ordered events that on returning to England, I needed to find somewhere else to live, apart from my husband, son, home comforts, our little dog, Sam, and the use of the family car. A very dear Christian brother at Camp had said that if I was serious about God, I would need to put Him above everything else! Well now I had the opportunity to do exactly that On about my second day living in my bedsit, I thought Well at least you get to know what it’s like for Joanna; you can identify with her. The word ‘identify,’ shot through me like fire. Oh, no God, you could not be suggesting that I stay out of my home as an intercession for Joanna. I convinced myself that God’s main deal was to get me to look at my sin and get my believing straight With that thought, I pushed all thoughts of intercession for Jo totally out of my mind. During those days, however, I was reading Norman’s Rees Howells, Intercessor. That book really began a work of God in me.

Living alone, I learned to bow my knee to the God of the Bible, not the god of my understanding, me (really Satan). I spent 3 months "kicking and squealing," yet knowing it was all God. There were times when I thought my insides would fall out it hurt so badly. I thought of committing suicide but knew I would have to face God and then what? Sometimes I would think of marching home, and just moving back in again. Then I’d think about Jo and knew that to help her, I needed to get straight. And in any case, I could never escape from myself wherever I was. I began looking at the horror of my sins and their effect on my family and fellowship. My undiscovered self was most definitely exposed to me, and I truly saw how rotten to the core I was. On several occasions, the thought of staying out of home until Joanna returned to God flashed through my mind, but I always felt uncertain as to whether this was God, or just MY thinking. I could always justify in my mind why God was not asking me to do that. I remember one day saying to God, OK, I’m saying that if Sanda comes to the Autumn conference (I knew Sanda had a personal commitment that in my mind would prevent her coming), then I’d know it was God. You’ve guessed it, Sanda came! Anyway, I was not doing very well at the beginning of that weekend, so once more the question of an intercession for Jo was not mentioned. During the final session of the Conference, I experienced a breakthrough. Again, it was Page who saw that seven years ago, I had turned my back on God and since then had been paying lip service only to the truth of Christ in me as me. I began crying. I knew that was true, and I was desperate to know how, and if, I could ever line up with God again. Page said that it would be by faith. Still I was crying because I had lost a friendship with her, and I could not get back the twenty-seven years I had sinned against my husband. Everyone searched for the scripture which assures us that God will restore the years the locust has eaten. At that point I felt a real measure of relief in knowing where the root of my problem lay. Every time I thought about turning my back on God, though, I began crying.

Next day, back in the bedsit, I picked up my Bible, and it fell open at Jeremiah 31. I looked down and read the following:

Do not weep any longer, for I will reward you. YOUR CHILDREN WILL COME BACK TO YOU FROM THE DISTANT LAND OF THE ENEMY. There is hope for your future, says the Lord. YOUR CHILDREN WILL COME AGAIN TO THEIR OWN LAND. I have heard Israel saying, ‘You disciplined me severely, but I deserved it. I was like a calf that needed to be trained for the yoke and the plow. Turn me again to you and restore me, for you alone are the Lord my God. I TURNED AWAY FROM GOD, but then I was sorry. I kicked myself for my stupidity! I am thoroughly ashamed of all I did in my younger days. Is not Israel still my son, my darling child? asks the Lord. I had to punish Him, but I still love him. I long for him and surely will have mercy on him. Set up road signs; put up guideposts. Mark well the path by which you came. Come back again, my virgin Israel; return to your cities here. HOW LONG WILL YOU WANDER, MY WAYWARD DAUGHTER? For the Lord will cause something new and different to happen-Israel will embrace her God.

The tears were streaming down my face. Could anything be more appropriate for me and my situation? God had said he would bring my daughter back from the land of Satan.

Three more months passed during which time I read The Law of Faith at every opportunity I could find. I also listened avidly to all the tapes of Page’s I had in my possession. I "ate" those words I read and listened to, and they became life to me. I saw how love to me had been the type of love Page refers to as sentimental, whipped cream love with lots of sugar in. This was how I had ‘loved’ Jo, and it bred a monster. This was how I’d loved myself, too, and I had been a monster. This so-called love DOES NOT GET GOD’S JOB DONE. That was a fact Jo and I were living proof of it.

I so well recall an evening in October when I was waiting for a bus, travelling in the direction of where Jo was then living. I was thinking, I wonder if Jo was working today. If she finished at 6.30, she could even be on this bus. Sure enough, when the bus came, I could see Jo sitting on the front seat I got on the bus, we looked at one another and said "hello." I sat right behind her, watching her all the time. Neither of us spoke. When Jo got off the bus, she looked like she could explode with anger, or burst into tears, I could not tell which.

By November, I was beginning to consistently believe the truth that it was Christ living as me. I got a second job at a hotel nearby, which meant I got to meet other people and gradually found a new world outside of 46 Obelisk Rise, Northampton. Throughout this time, I made no move to contact Jo, but some-times when I was in town, I would visit her work place and from a viewpoint some yards away, look in to see if I could catch a glimpse of her. She always looked the same Jo–confident, assured and very fixed in her choice, I thought. It seemed totally impossible that she would ever want God in her life again. See, I can’t take on any intercession for Jo, I’d never be back home again. With that thought, once more I would push down any consideration that God might want me to intercede for Jo. I had heard that Jo also had a second job, serving in a bar! I knew that she walked home late at night alone and I would think, What if anything happens to her? Well, God, she’s in Your hands and I’m trusting her to You, whatever.

Jo’s birthday came and went without my contacting her. I just knew this was the right thing; this was getting God’s job done. Never mind how I felt. Christmas also came and went I wondered what Jo was doing and where she was spending the day. On 27 December our local fellowship flew over to Ireland to spend a few days’ fellowship with our friends there. Over the past months when we were all together, I had had what can only be called "tantrums"–just like a toddler does. Everyone got to see my anger, pent up emotion and what I was really like. In Ireland, I threw my last fit. Marian Kinahan said, "I don’t know what more to say to you." I distinctly remember looking at her and thinking, "I can’t put them through this any more." I just said OK, lets go down-stairs and get on with the day. That was another real turning point for me.

Back from Ireland in the bedsit, it felt very lonely and quiet, but I had bought a copy of Page’s tapes from Blowing Rock, Summer Camp 1998. 1listened to the first tape. It was brilliant! It was life to me.

"How long will you wander, my wayward daughter?"
-Jar. 31:22

When I woke on New Years Day, the first thought in my mind was Joanna and that I should take on this intercession for her. I lay in bed and knew that today I had to make a decision. I played out the scenario in my mind if I said yes. I could be living in this one room for years, to say nothing about the state of the place. I might not get to live at home again if Jo doesn’t turn back to God in my lifetime. I just can’t do it, I thought. Immediately I heard that thought, I KNEW that was independent thinking. There is no just me to intercede for Jo. OK, I know I’m a vessel, containing Jesus Christ. Well, Meryl, are you prepared to be the vessel through whom Jesus Christ intercedes for Jo? Oh there were so many things that flooded my mind in that minute: enjoying a barbecue in our garden in the summer, going out with Jim, my husband again, not being a regular part of my son’s life, never inviting friends round to our home, feeling lonely and so on. But what about Joanna? I thought of not taking on the intercession. I imagined myself at home, in the kitchen and knew I could never live with myself then, knowing Jo was still out there. I knew being at home under those circumstances would bring me leanness in my soul. Right then, I thought, I am corrupt and rotten to the core in myself, so it is going to have to be Jesus Christ doing this if it is to be done. Then I remembered the scripture that says "He ever liveth to make intercession for the saints." At that point I just launched out and said Yes, I am trusting Jesus Christ to intercede for Joanna through my vessel. That was it. I could not get back to sleep, so I read Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest, 1 January: "We shall feel very much ashamed if we do not yield to Jesus on the point He has asked us to yield to Him. To get there is a question of will, not of debate nor of reasoning, but a surrender of will, an absolute and irrevocable surrender on that point." Can you believe that! Then I listened to Page’s tape 2 from Summer Camp. She spoke about how "He who knew no sin became sin for us that through Him, we might become the righteousness of God" and that "according to your faith be it unto you." Our focus needs to be on the resurrection life of Christ being lived out in and as me. Hallelujah!! I SAW it Jesus Christ is living every minute in me, as me, not just to intercede for Joanna. I could ask for nothing more.

From that minute on everything seemed like it changed. Really, nothing changed, but Christ was seeing through me. I had entered the rest that remains for the people of God and was living in the Promised Land.

Life inside my skin since then has never been the same. I know I am a different person, Christ instead of Satan. God brought people my way, and Christ as me was just talking to them about Him, my testimony, the Bible, water baptism and I was thrilled.

Not until 11 February did I try to make contact with Jo. When I rang, she was in a hurry, going to work, but she said she would ring me the following evening. She had promised to telephone Jon once before, but did not. Anyway, she did call me. It felt a very difficult call. There was an obvious barrier between us. She asked why I was not living at home. I told her I had turned my back on God and as a result had chosen my own way, resulting in sin against my family and fellowship. I said how totally undisciplined I was, but that I had now turned back to God. I questioned her on the path she had chosen, and she said she preferred it to when she was at home. I challenged her to think what would happen if she unexpectedly died that day? What would she say to God? During the call she told me she had been poorly with tonsillitis and not able to work for one week, therefore not receiving any pay that week. When I asked about college, it came out that she had taken time out, with the option of returning next January. I got the picture that life was certainly not as good as she would have me believe. I told her I loved her, gave her my telephone number and address and told her I was there for her if she needed me.

Another time I called, she was out, a second time, she was in bed asleep, I was told. On the third occasion, Monday 29 March, I had decided not to mention anything "spiritual." I told her about what was going on in my life and the things I was doing: a new promotion at the College and my part time job at the hotel, going to London for a weekend, visiting Mary Walsh and even something as simple as buying a cellular phone (in the past I’d always said we didn’t need one). She laughed, too when I told her that there was now a dishwasher at home. "And we don’t get to use it, she said"! At one point she exclaimed, "Is this my Mum I’m talking to?!"

The next time I rang I asked if she would meet up and I would treat her to supper. She said she would think about it and call me back. On Sunday 25 April, I decided to walk to where Jo lived. Just before Christmas she had moved to a different house with two girl friend,s and I had never been to see what the area was like. The similarity between her street and the one where I was living was amazing!

Our next fellowship weekend was 1 and 2 of May. We had just received the latest edition of Z-News, and Faye was insistent that Kim, Jon and she deliver one to Jo. The issue was a view of the last ten years and included two items Jo, herself, had written. There were several photos, too, including her and many of her friends in the fellowship.

On Sunday evening I went to bed thinking about other things currently going on in our local fellowship. Next, I woke up with a start It was dark and the phone was ringing. I leapt out of bed. It was Jo, crying. She had been let down by one or two guys and saw that they ever only cared about themselves, certainly not her. She said she missed everyone and loved the photos in the Z-News. She told me how she wanted to choose God for herself now. I asked her to come to me, but she didn’t want to. She did, however, say she would phone her friend in the States. Ginny Mansoor talked with her for over an hour! She encouraged Jo to come round to me. While Jo was on the telephone to the States, I was calling my husband and Faye and Kim Rogers. Ginny then rang me to tell me what was happening. Since I "just happened" to have our family car outside, I went to Jo’s house to collect her at 4.30 am. From my walk the previous week, at least I knew where to go. Truly, Christ lives as us, and God is in the details!

Later that day, Jo and I drove home to be reconciled as a family with Jim, Jon, Faye and Kim. It was a very emotional time. God had returned the prodigal from the distant land of the enemy, just as He promised. Jo talked about her sin and how her desire was now to be God’s person. She had turned her back on Satan and his ways. There were many details to be worked out, but that was a day for rejoicing and thanking God.

Jo has many consequences of her sin choices to walk through, and so do I. But God in His grace and mercy has given our family another chance to consistently believe who we are and know Christ living out through each one of us. Thank you, oh thank you. To God be the glory.