Marching On
by Anonymous

The single idea that struck me the most forcefully over the whole week of the British Easter Conference was probably almost ‘an aside’ from Page and not a part of the main teaching sessions, namely, that "nothing can prevent us from being free." Many things have kept me from being free in the past, including an unhealthy co-dependent relationship with my husband; love addiction (always craving love and affection from other people in the wrong sort of way); sentimentality and being too ‘nice’ in order to be accepted and liked; clinical depression and anxiety; and having my identity rooted in the old false self that Satan deceived me into believing was real, i.e. the ‘persona’ I thought I was and am not.

Questions put to us at the conference along the lines of "How does this apply in your everyday life?" caused me to review what I had learned and how my life had changed over the years since I became involved in Zerubbabel. I was very grateful, and quite surprised (!), to consciously register the fact that I had already come to a place of major or complete recovery in so many of these problem areas.

During the year since the last conference I have been learning to live more consistently from who I am in Christ and choosing to live from spirit when soul feelings, negative thoughts, or health problems have tempted me to give in to the one basic lie, that I am the way I feel and think about myself–a poor "just me." The conference itself was excellent practice at trusting Christ to live my life over and over again, as I experienced feelings of fear, sickness, and anxiety. Apparently these distractions (painful and real though they seemed to me) were not visible to others and I always chose to participate. So praise God, He is always faithful as long as we keep believing what He says is true about ourselves.

Neither does our heavenly Father leave us to settle for too long into a new ‘comfort zone,’ as the great God of the universe that He is, both intensely personal and vastly unfathomable, draws us on to new depths in Christ. As we looked at what it is to be a vessel wholly given over to the Holy Spirit and the subject of intercession, many of us were awed, and I at least, inclined to run from such a life laid down for others, prefer-ring my own ease and comfort. And yet, why should we, who have received so much, want to keep the abundant life for ourselves and not do all we can to draw others into its reality and fullness? I took reassurance from the realization that such a process of reaching out to others has in fact been a part of my Christian life right from early days, however poor, hesitant, and stumbling it may have been, that any sacrifices I have already known have, in fact, been privileges, and it is only the enemy who would both terrify us with imaginings and scorn and belittle our involvements. God takes us on surely and gradually, one step at a time, according to our maturity in Christ, combining what is best both for us and other people in His great Masterplan. So once again, I choose the Spirit life over feelings, relinquish the panicky desire to stay in control of what happens to me (which, incidentally, I never was in any case!) and say to God I am willing for whatever He puts in my path.

As for the outer things of our stay, I very much enjoyed the surroundings of Hothorpe Hall, inside and out, going for country walks, playing badminton again with one of our youngsters, for the first time in years, and the day when many of us went out for lunch together and explored the local small market town. But the best of all, without a doubt, was seeing the changes in brothers and sisters who have been allowing God to "grow them up" and set their lives in order, the changes inside resulting in visible changes in appearance and behaviors on the outside too. This was a real joy. I was also delighted to begin to get to know a new sister in Christ.

Thank you, Page, Sanda, Robyn and Scott, for crossing the Atlantic once again to share in it with us, and enrich our gathering. It was a wonder to see so many various and vibrant forms of the One Person, each one unique and an essential part of the whole. It was a special joy to see my two daughters continuing to grow up in Christ, and for my husband to be there too taking part. May we all continue on together.