Freedom From Self
by R.M.

Recently, I committed myself to getting a job done that I volunteered for, but I chose to procrastinate, which was being irresponsible. Some friends pointed out my actions, and thought I was being unrealistic and would not complete the job. Immediately I defended myself because I wanted to do it “my way”, which was Satan’s irresponsible way. In the past I have procrastinated the same way and would barely complete the job or be late. At first I did not want to see how unrealistic I was and did not accept the view I was receiving from others. Thankfully, later I saw that I was holding on to my view that I was right. Satan’s lie that I bit into was “I want to do it my way”, which is false because there is no “just me”.

After all of this happened, I began reading Norman Grubb’s book Yes I Am. The section of this book which explains Paul’s experience as revealed in Romans 6-8 was particularly meaningful to me in light of my recent procrastination and wish to do my job “my way”. It made Paul feel desperate that he could not do the good things he tried to do. Instead, he could only do the things he did not want to do. He knew he needed another answer to make his life work. Then God revealed to him that Paul was not just an alone person doing good or bad. God made it clear to Paul that we as humans do not live our own lives, and we do not have a self-operating human nature. Our only capacity is to choose who will operate us-either God or Satan.

Reading about Paul’s experience makes me realize that wanting my own way is seeing myself as an independent person. When I choose to believe this lie, I become a slave to Satan which allows him to misuse me and block the flowing Spirit of Jesus Christ. Wanting my own way is a lie because there is no “just me” to have “my own way”.

R.M. Boone, NC