A Note From Jo…On Confidence
I have realized recently that I don’t feel confident very often. Sometimes I look at other people and I think: “Gosh, she always looks so confident;” “I wish I had her confidence,” or “I wish I was so relaxed and at-ease talking to people like so and so.” I might be in the minority here, especially living in America. As an ex-Brit, I’ve always thought Americans seemed more confident than Brits! They talk louder, (they talk period!), they are more friendly it seems, they dress with more pizazz, they just stand out more. And to me a lot of that is confidence. Of course I shouldn’t generalize. There are plenty of confident loud Brits and plenty of quiet blend-in Americans. But for whatever reason that has been my impression since I first met an American and then moved to America in my late 20’s (now in my 40’s). Anyway, back to confidence. What I’m saying is that a lot of the time I feel unsure of myself, I feel awkward and like I stick out.
I was at a teacher-parent meeting recently and I was sitting before 4 teachers and realized I felt a little intimidated. (Even though it is a Christian school and I know and like all these teachers!) I think part of my underlying reason for lack of confidence is that I also don’t feel very smart sometimes. I kept feeling like I wish I had something insightful to ask or share about my child. But I really didn’t. But, you know what? As silly as some of this may sound, it is 100% OK for me to have these thoughts and feelings. There is nothing wrong with them and I can do nothing about them. I cannot make them go away and although I have them less than I used to, they still pop up from time to time.
BUT–I have a glorious answer to be victorious in these kinds of situations. I can choose to believe the spirit truth about myself–that there is no self-operating me to be anything! I’m just a vessel (2 Cor. 4:7). I can’t be smart, or dumb, or insightful or anything (“Apart from me you can do nothing”–John 15:5). And so knowing this, I choose to affirm who Christ is in the situation vs how I feel (a temporary soul reaction). Then, in light of this new awareness of my feelings of non-confidence–you know what I found in the Bible recently? A verse that speaks to my very issue. Proverbs 3:26: “For the Lord shall be thy confidence and shall keep thy foot from being taken….” What a relief! God IS confident. Just like God IS love (1 John 4:8). I love it when I find a verse that describes an attribute of God that is the opposite of how I feel. Love, when I feel hate. Peace, when I feel worried etc. Since He is living in me, joined to me one spirit (1 Cor. 6:17), whatever He is, I am. So I can say “Christ through me is confident.” Even when I’m feeling the opposite. And as God told Paul: “My strength is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor. 12:9)
