Dear Mother…
Concerning your wish that I return and seek a lucrative position in England, I fear that is quite impossible. Would you really have me turn my back on the Saviour and His will, and proclaim to the world that He has failed me and was so hard a Master that I had to leave His service or starve? Could you imagine Paul leaving His work to go and seek some lucrative employment in Jerusalem or Rome? Well, mother darling, I could not do such a thing. I could not so bring shame on you , myself or Scilla. Much less could I shame my blessed Jesus whom I love. I have but a few things to rejoice in. They are these: that God called me to China and Africa, and that I went in spite of utmost opposition of all my loved ones and advisers: that I joyfully acted as Christ told that rich young man to act, and gave away my fortune. (An unpardonable sin in the eyes of my family is that I gave Jesus too much.) At any rate, with all my many sins I am glad none can accuse me of having been stingy towards my Saviour. My only joy is that when God has given me a work to do I have not refused to do it in spite of hindrance, hostility and loss of the love of those who had loved me. And when the great day before God’s Throne dawns, I’m sure you will rejoice that your fool of a son did not betray his Saviour’s trust, but fought on, carrying his thorny cross to the bitter-sweet end. Father and you are largely responsible for what devotion and determination to go ahead for Christ is in my make-up, and whatever reward comes shall be yours and his, and the shame of failure and sin shall be mine. Were you to urge me to some deed of daring or sacrifice for God, I would attempt to do it, but I refuse to do what is not God’s will. I am poor beyond all knowledge, yet the Lord thinks of me.
